Intense Idealist/Spiritual Kinkster

Tag: long covid

  • Pushing Past the Resistance

    Not feeling it today, but it’s my own damn fault, and I’m pushing past the resistance. Without going into detail, I’ll just say I played last night, which involved pot and poppers. I knew my actions would have consequences, and here I am. 

    I take quetiapine as a sleep aid. One of its side effects is quetiapine munchies. The part of the brain that regulates your feeling full gets discombobulated, and you feel like you’re hungry no matter how much you’ve eaten. 

    Add pot to the mix and, as my friend Paul dubbed it, I eat the kitchen. 

    I ate everything I could get in my mouth. I ate trail mix, White Cheddar Cheez-Its, and a bowl of watermelon I brought back to bed. I kept eating until I finally fell asleep. 

    I smoked the pot. I accept the consequences. 

    I just don’t like them. 

    After brushing my teeth and having breakfast, I putzed around the house for a bit. 

    One of my current life themes is pushing past the resistance. 

    My body felt lethargic and groggy, but I got out the door and on my walk. Once I got my playlist going and took my first step, I settled into my groove and got moving to the music. 

    I pushed past the resistance and excuses, got outside, and went full speed – because I wanted to, because I want to keep getting better, because I want to heal.

    Because I want to burn off this fat and not jiggle so much. 

    I hit a new milestone today – two miles! Not only that, but I kept my pace even going up and down all of the hills in my neighborhood. A month ago, that would have been inconceivable with my long covid fatigue. 

    It’s not that I was punishing myself. I was disciplining myself. I wasn’t going to allow myself to slack off just because I didn’t feel 100% after the consequences of last night’s actions. 

    I’m applying the same discipline to my writing today. I have set the intention of posting to my blog once daily. 

    And here I am.

  • One Small Flower Victory

    One Small Flower Victory

    Long Covid has taken a lot from me with its brutal fatigue. 

    The most visible impact is evident in our yard. 

    I am an avid gardener, primarily flowers. When the fatigue settled in, I didn’t have the energy to get out and maintain the yard and the flower beds. Now they are overgrown with weeds and vines. 

    It’s really quite depressing, but I had to let go and be okay with it. That was the only way for me to find some peace in it. 

    But all was not a lost cause. Last summer I planted one small bed in front of the house along with some pots on the front porch. This year, I expanded the planted area. 

    Being in front of the house I get to enjoy it whenever we go out to the car. 

    It’s only a fraction of the beds throughout our yards, but it’s a small victory. Once planted and mulched, it doesn’t require a lot of maintenance, just occasional watering. 

    It was one small area of my passions that I could keep up with even when the fatigue was bad; an act of defiance against long covid’s grip on my health and wellbeing. 

  • Planting Daisies

    Many days, long COVID limits me to short trips between the bed, kitchen, and bathroom. So today felt extraordinary…especially considering how I felt when the day started.

    I actually had energy today! 

    I know it may not seem like much, but I finally planted some of the daisies I started from seed this indoors this winter. It was my first time growing anything this way. 

    I also mulched the tomatoes and cucumbers. It was nice to make a dent in the mound of woodchips that have been on the driveway forever.

    By the time I finished mulching, my energy was becoming questionable. I’ve learned to stop sooner rather than later and pace myself.

    It just feels good to be functional.