Why I Haven’t Started

I’ve known for a while I should have started this already. ​

I’ve found every and any excuse possible to keep me from gaining any forward momentum. Hell, I’m dragging my feet as I write right now. ​

I tell myself I need to ​figure out exactly how to do it right; how to present myself in a way that is palatable to the widest audience while maintaining some sense of authenticity. 

So I start and stop. I start the flow of words and then stop when I worry too much whether what I say matters. If anyone cares. And I end up right back where I started. 

All I’m doing is avoiding myself; my calling; my purpose and my passion. 

I end up in dead end jobs. I shrink from the world. I retreat into depression because I’m not doing what I want. 

I guess maybe I’m afraid I’ll discover just how good I could be and how much time I’ve lost running from myself. 

I don’t have the energy to keep running any longer. It’s time to fully embrace who I am.